Skirt Size and Breast Cancer

Each morning, I check Google News to see what the latest headlines are. I like to know if half the world has been blown up or devastated by natural or unnatural forces before I go stepping out my door. So, this morning, the headline that caught my attention was Increasing Skirt Size Linked to Breast Cancer Risk.

I thought, "Hmmm...." remembering how the solution to pain from lack of a cushion meant prescribing a pain pill for my mom. Maybe there's a simple remedy for this situation as well. And indeed there is.

We could just simply pass a law making it illegal to manufacture skirts larger than a given size. And, if this headline is true, that would solve the breast cancer problem.

Okay, okay, I can hear you now. You're saying that won't work. And obviously it won't. I mean who in their right mind thinks that this Congress is able to pass a law? And that's an excellent point. But your second argument, I'm sure, is in the fact that all our skirts are made in China these days. And they're not subject to our laws.

But let's just say for sake of argument that we could get Congress to come together on this issue of national importance, and breast cancer is an important issue. If they passed such a law, then we could step up border enforcement to ensure that no skirts were imported into our country above a certain size.

I think this would work. Don't you? We could eliminate breast cancer in one fell swoop. Can we do it? Can we get a campaign together to eliminate breast cancer by reducing skirt sizes.

Of course, there's another way to reduce skirt size and thus breast cancer. But we don't want to talk about that, do we? It's much easier to pop a pain pill than it is to get to the real root of the problem, isn't it?